Pushing Through the Fear…

Come on, Facebook!!! 🤦‍♀️😣

I had been informed that my Facebook ban was supposed to be lifted on October 5. I attempted to go live, only to find out that this was not the case… It meant that the fifth was the last day of the ban and that tomorrow, the sixth, the ban would be lifted. This did not instill a tremendous amount of confidence in me, given that the next day was going to be a livestream concert, and the last thing I needed was technical stress in the midst of a concert… But it was what it was, and I decided to just envision everything going smoothly the next day.

And it did… Until it didn’t… Everything seemed to be functioning, except that now, because I had changed my primary streaming platform from YouTube back to Facebook, YouTube wasn’t going live. It took about five minutes, but finally I was able to get everything up and running.

I went live, and there I was on all of my platforms: Patreon, YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram. Amazing! The listeners showed up, I dug into my set, and I was feeling really good. About 27 minutes in, Facebook shut me down.

There I was, live in front of an audience. And OK, it’s a virtual audience, but a treasured and important audience, and I went bye-bye on Facebook. No matter what I did, I could not get it up and running again, so I decided to just forge forward and figure it out later. Oh well, we got almost a half hour!

Long story short, I did some sleuthing and figured out that the “persistent stream key” I had installed in my streaming software was now flagged for security issues because of my recent ban… The next day, I refreshed my stream key, reinstalled it in my streaming software, put the camera on in the concert area while I was away, so that I could just let it run in test mode, and it ran successfully for 40 minutes straight. I guess we will find out this week if it is all resolved. But honestly, I found it really disrespectful that Facebook didn’t even have the decency to provide some troubleshooting information and explain potential issues that might come up before my first livestream. It is what it is. I’m letting it go…

Coaching calls with Mike resume!

As I mentioned previously, Mike and his sweet family were moving into a new home, so we hadn’t met for about a month. Honestly, I was feeling slightly self-conscious because, after a month, what did I have to show him that I had accomplished since we last spoke?

I kind of gathered my thoughts before we got on Zoom and realized that a lot had happened.

I talked to him about the resurrection of the legacy system in the recording studio, and he was very impressed, LOL. I told him about being able to export stems (yahoo!) and my plans to submit to a bunch of boutique sync agencies that I had researched.

I then told him that I had decided to register with The MLC, which collects and pays out U.S. digital mechanical royalties to songwriters, composers, lyricists, and music publishers when their music is streamed or downloaded on platforms like Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, and Tidal… Only to discover that I was already registered! However, there were no songs attributed to my account. When I did a search in the “Claim” section, I discovered hundreds of tracks that had potential earnings attached to them… The caveat was that it required me to go into each song individually and submit a claim for each one. I really, really, REALLY did not want another huge admin job put on my plate, so I sent them an email asking if there was a bulk option for this. If there isn’t, I’ll just chip away at it when I have time.

I realized I had the same kind of hitch with my PRO. A PRO is a performing rights organization, and it essentially collects performance royalties on behalf of songwriters and music publishers whenever their music is publicly performed, whether on TV, in movies, on the radio, etc. I know… It’s a lot… And this is just my life and every other independent artist’s life, LOL.

Anyway, I realized that if I was going to submit to sync agencies, my songs had to be registered with my PRO, SESAC. I was able to untangle 65 songs that had never been registered. I diligently filled out their bulk-upload template, then downloaded the corresponding MP3s for every single track I had added to the template… And then proceeded to get an error message every time I tried to upload the template. I emailed them as well, and we’ll see what they say.

My Mother-in-Law Is Discharged from Rehab!!! 🎉🥳❤️

After over three months of living at rehab and doing PT and OT, my mother-in-law was finally discharged! There was such a sense of relief, coupled with tremendous anxiety and trepidation. Thankfully, my magnificent sister-in-law flew up from Florida to help her as she transitioned back to home life.

It has not been a smooth and easy transition. My mother-in-law had contracted pneumonia while she was in rehab, and even though the infection has resolved, she still has a really wicked cough and sounds awful. This is just adding to her exhaustion, which in turn means her strength is not at its best.

Well wishes continue to be welcomed in this direction for her healing journey. What I do know is that she has the absolute best son on the entire planet. He was her advocate, her guardian angel, and her friend through it all. I would welcome some good energy sent his way as well because I will tell you, he’s mentally and physically exhausted. This journey is not over, but I never cease to be amazed by his tenacity, strength, and capacity to give. ❤️

I did it… I won the battle over my anxiety and self-doubt!

So last week, I confessed that there was a part of me that felt like I was energetically putting obstacles in my path when it came to submitting to these different sync agencies because I was dreading the possibility of rejection. That feeling didn’t go away this week, even as I was able to triumph over hurdles and realize that some of them just weren’t necessary to resolve at this very moment.

But I did it. It was terrifying, but I made a commitment to my coach and, more importantly, to myself. So I did it. I clicked the link for the first agency, and it was scary but also fairly straightforward. I got it done. Then I went on to tackle the second one… And this was so much more intense than I anticipated.

The second agency had an easier process for receiving music. I just created a playlist in my “DISCO catalog” and submitted it through their link. Easy peasy… Or so I thought.

I was then instructed to register and fill out what was basically an intake form. Except it was more like a vetting process for someone looking to join the CIA. I’m not being dramatic. They had over 25 different questions that were expected to be answered in essay form. Yep. I wrote 25 different essays, reread them about 1,000 times because it was so intimidating, and then entered my answers and submitted…

I was so mentally and physically fried that I just wanted to curl up in a ball, but I decided to go for a walk because I hadn’t even left the house or gotten any exercise. When I got outside, the strangest thing happened that took me by surprise. I got really angry and really sad at the same time. Why did I have to prove myself as a person in order to submit to this company? I mean, seriously, I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but their job is to see if my music matches any of the needs they come across in film, television, industrials, etc. Did I really need to be a good person? And then I realized that I, too, have expectations, and I’ve always said, “I don’t care if you’re the most talented person in the world; if you’re an asshole, I don’t wanna work with you.”

Was it possible that I manifested this sort of “test” to validate my own expectations about who I want to work with? And, on the other hand, did it give me clarity about why I still do this and who I am, both as an artist and as a human? It was a really interesting little twist that happened there.

Anyway, the very next morning, thankfully, while I was closing out tabs in my browser, I realized that I thought I had submitted, but I never actually had. So I hit the submit button, and it’s done. Phew. The journey continues…

And now for something completely different, unrelated, and remarkably joyful!

Two of our best friends have a daughter who’s getting married in two weeks. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve never been a “girly girl,” but I absolutely love them, and I love their daughter and her fiancé. I’m a little bit giddy about their wedding.

They actually invited us to go to the venue to check it out and give them ideas about sound and how the flow of the wedding would go with regard to music. Now, Gianni and I got married over 31 years ago… We didn’t have much money, but we had a lot of love, and we knew the kind of environment we wanted. Even with a fabulous venue and the only expectation being that we showed up that morning, it was still somewhat stressful, and I remember my head sort of spinning.

Well, our friend’s daughter’s wedding will be quite the opposite in that they’re doing a completely DIY wedding. And when I say DIY, I literally mean they have to go to the venue on the morning of the wedding and set up chairs outside for the ceremony. They have to set up the reception hall tables and chairs, tablecloths, decorations, centerpieces, candles, and flowers all themselves. They have a caterer coming, but they have to set up the tables for the caterer. They’re providing their own music. And on and on and on. I will tell you that my anxiety was through the roof. How could you possibly pull this off for your own wedding?

I had to talk myself down from the anxiety ledge and remind myself that this is what they want, this is what they’re capable of, and that, as a good friend, I would do everything possible to help, along with Gianni. I went home and started creating a music manifest, including a checklist of what they would need for the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception. I sent it off to the bride-to-be, and she was so enthusiastically thankful. 🥹

See? I can do some of the things I don’t think I’m capable of, LOL… And yeah, of course it had to do with music, so maybe it’s not that much of an accomplishment. 😂