It’s been a while…

Hey there Lovely Listener,
I hope you are well. It's been a super long time since I've been inspired to write to you, and truth be told, I wrote this as an email quite some time ago, and every time I went to send it...I didn't. Today I decided to share it with everyone. ❤️

I kept trying to give myself grace and unravel the excuses. What I discovered is that I didn't need excuses because the reasons were real.

I will preface this by saying that I'm finally writing because I'm doing REALLY great and am the happiest I've been in a long while. I do feel like I owe you an explanation, even if you may have forgotten I even existed. 🤣

I'm not saying that to be dramatic. I'm saying that because I respect you, and that YOU have a life and challenges and distractions, and I don't expect to be front of focus for anyone other than family and close friends. But I digress...

I guess I can start by saying that after a veritable tsunami of loss, I did my best to get back to some semblance of normalcy. What I wasn't prepared for was that normal was never going to be the the same. 

Again, I'm so desperate to not sound dramatic, but let's just say I hit bottom. And when I thought I couldn't get any lower, I fell even deeper into a well of hopelessness and despair. I did my very best to “keep up appearances” by livestreaming, and trying to be social.

Aside from a plethora of physical and emotional hurdles, I realized that I had also developed an anxiety-riddled case of agoraphobia.

I truly stopped believing that healing was possible...until by some miracle, I realized that I had to make a choice. I could succumb to the pull of darkness, or I could do the work...really hard work...and come out the other end.

Thankfully, I chose the later. It was NEVER easy, but it was worthwhile. I went into therapy. I went on antidepressants for the first time and believe it literally saved my life. I got back into the gym. I did a multitude of online courses ranging from meditations, self-help, manifesting and more. I went through a barrage of physical challenges that made me question if the universe was just telling me to give up and exit...instead, I rose above the pain, and kept on my path.

I am now over a month past surgery for an injury to my right hand that happened in JUNE of 2023 and has prohibited me from playing guitar and greatly diminished my piano playing, BUT, through it all, thankfully I was able to keep up with my songwriting—the other thing that saved me.

I am in PT/OT for my hand and I'm seeing improvement. I've been playing guitar again. Only a song or two a day, but that is progress!

I am writing full time now and recording pretty much every day. 

I took off a chunk of weight and I am hoping to go to the gym for the first time since early March. I'm also doing lots of walking and some running.

I booked my first show in September and I am beyond excited and look forward to smacking agoraphobia upside the head (If you're anywhere near Suffolk County, NY, please save-the-date: 9/13/24).

I am off of my antidepressant as of last October.

I wake each morning thankful and with a full heart.

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

I decided to write to you today to be honest about all of this. It feels like we are taught to hide our shadows, but what if we realized that most of us struggle sometimes? I ponder how many of my people are hiding their struggles, and if writing this helped even one person, that would feel purposeful. 

I feel like I have a lot more to say with my music. I have over a 100 unrecorded songs that I'm determined to share.

I don't see myself ever "touring" again, but I do want to do live shows here and there in addition to my livestreams...which I promised myself will start up again VERY soon!

Anyway, this got a tad long winded, but I wanted to be real with you. If you read this far—thank you. ❤️

I will be in touch again soon. Until then, I wish you joy, health, prosperity and agency in your life. If you’re struggling, I get it. I am sending you so much love…

With love, light and immense gratitude,
Marci