A bad day doesn’t undo all the hard work…

Finished my assignment that Mike, my coach, gave me.

I stuck with it, and I finished submitting to all of the Sync Boutique Agencies that I had researched and targeted. It was a bit easier this week because I had most of the needed materials readily accessible, and I had gotten into somewhat of a groove.

I’m still going back and forth with my PRO to get all the new songs registered, but for now, this portion of pitching for sync is DONE, and I am pretty thankful!

And then the plot thickens…

So, I mentioned last week that I had been able to export the magical STEMS but was doing so blindly… or I should say deafly, with no slur intended. Essentially, I can see the session and the tracks I need, and I can export them, but I don’t HEAR anything until after I upload them to my catalog and listen from there. I had intended to reach out to Sweetwater, where we purchased our Focusrite, which is the playback engine for our legacy system. Sadly, I got waylaid by another tech odyssey.

Now, I pondered how complicated I should get here, so I had my husband read what I originally wrote. He thought it was far too long, far too detailed, and far too complicated, so I deleted it and decided to give you this summary…

In a nutshell, I’ve been going back and forth with the company that makes the recording software we use, and it’s been beyond frustrating. It’s a typical tragic story that most of us know all too well in the 21st century: one piece of technology becomes obsolete, but you may still need access to files that require that old technology. There are solutions, but the runaround is crazy, and it becomes a wormhole of expenses that can quickly get out of hand…

I’ve felt unimportant, dismissed, and basically placated with a useless option that doesn’t solve our problem… To be continued…

The dark funk overtakes me

I’m truly not thrilled to share this, but the next morning, I woke up with a really bad bout of depression. I’m not talking about negativity or sadness by choice. I’m talking about outright physical and mental depression that had me feeling really, really hopeless and frustrated.

Now, as somebody who has navigated major depressive disorder my entire adult life, I knew that this wasn’t an indication that I was broken or that I wasn’t enough, blah, blah, blah… all the things. But it felt like shit. I’m just being honest. I felt incredibly defeated.

I did what I always do, which is stick to the routine. Write in the journal. Go to the gym. Take a shower. Get some work done.

While walking home from the gym, I had this little voice that popped into my head. I likened it to an angel on my shoulder, whispering in my ear. It simply said, “Having a sad day does not undo all the hard work that you’ve been doing.”

Did it suddenly make everything bright and sparkly and shiny? No. I still felt like shit. However, I did feel hopeful. And more importantly, I felt like I hadn’t undone or sabotaged myself. This was a bad day. It didn’t mean I was a bad person.

I’m only confessing this because I know that there are so many people out there who struggle with depression. There’s so much shame attached to it, and even the most well-meaning friends try to explain you out of it. I’ve tried to explain to them that depression is not a chosen state of mind. It’s not like I’m having a bummer of a day… It is literally a chemical imbalance in my brain. If you have it, you know what I’m talking about, and it can be really rough at times.

I’m thankful to say that the next day, I woke up and it seemed that the depression had lifted somewhat. I attributed it to sticking to my routine… and actually getting a good night’s sleep, too!

Sometimes the mundane can make a difference.

I’ve had this item on my to-do list for months now… I can’t even remember if I’ve mentioned it before, and it’s so insignificant. But I will say that sometimes doing something really mundane can feel like such an accomplishment. It doesn’t require a tremendous amount of effort, but getting it done finally makes this thing that’s been sitting on your to-do list for months disappear!

If I’ve already mentioned this, then you can skip ahead… But I’ll be succinct. Months and months ago, I received a letter from Social Security saying that I may or may not be due a benefit from a job I had almost 25 years ago. I had worked part-time for the American Lung Association. The letter stated that they may or may not owe me some sort of benefit, but when I called them and all the subsequent agencies, nobody could figure out what this benefit was or whether it was actually due to me.

I had one last contact, which was the State Comptroller. I’ve had this last call on my to-do list for months because it just never seemed that important. Quite frankly, it’s not that much money. I finally made the call, only to find out that they don’t answer phone calls anymore and you have to submit a claim online.

Anyway, I submitted the claim on the website, and it turns out that a bot emailed me back. I don’t know if I’ll ever get anybody to actually look at the claim… And you know what? I’m good. I fulfilled every possibility. Would I love the money? Of course! Is it a life-changing amount of money? No. And this is why I can just let it be. Sigh.

Ta-da… a little self-care can be a big morale booster!

One of the things on my agenda from the prior week to get done during Week 20 was to get my hair done. I don’t know why I let it go to the point where I’m just so miserable that I can’t even stand looking at my face in the mirror… It’s just a thing that I do. I always find time to schedule everything without prioritizing my own self-worth at times. I know. I have to stop doing that.

Anyway, I finally got an appointment that was actually supposed to happen next week, but then I got a phone call. I was going to be getting my hair done at our local beauty school that offers salon services… and yeah, your hair is done by a student, but they are supervised by a professional, and it costs hella less money than going to a salon. And money is of the essence… especially since I can’t get my money from the State Comptroller, LOL.

They were supposed to do a straightening treatment and then color when I got a phone call saying that, because their students can’t do two processes in one day, they wanted to know if I’d be available to come in the next morning. I was so excited. I was gonna get my hair straightened a week earlier than I anticipated!

The student did a fantastic job, and I was actually going to have her do the coloring this coming week. But then I found out, in the middle of her taking care of me, that she was actually going to be taking her state boards next week. I was really happy for her…and I’m sure they’ll put me with another great student to do the color!

But here’s the twist that I’m writing about with such a smile on my face. In the middle of yapping with her, because of course you always yap with the person doing your hair, right? I noticed the stylist next to her, a young man with this vibrant, sweet energy, was kind of listening to our conversation. And yes, I spoke about being a musician because she asked me. When we were talking about what color to dye my hair, I was showing her pictures, and that’s how it all came up… I wasn’t trying to be that person, LOL.

Anyway, the student next to her, Josh, lit up when he heard that I was a musician. We wound up talking, and it turned out that he was a music fanatic and had actually studied music business, management, and production. It was his true passion. He was studying here because it was something he was really good at, and he knew he needed a way to keep a roof over his head while he pursued his passion for music.

Anyway, here’s the cool part… We wound up exchanging information, had a conversation, and Josh is going to be my new intern! In fact, he’s going to be coming over this coming Tuesday to assist during the livestream concert and kind of get the lay of the land. How cool is that? Funny how things turn out sometimes, isn’t it?